Monkey Business Institute

Yesterday I was grocery shopping and was in the bulk section looking for some healthy snacks.  In the granola area I saw this product:  Golden Flax Pumpkin Seed Granola.  Underneath that was a handwritten note that said "Contains no flax or pumpkin seeds."  Actually the word 'no' was underlined twice but I don't know how to recreate that here.

WTF?  Why would you include -- not one -- but two items in the name of your product that are not in that product?  Are you trying to trick us?

"Hey honey, you know how my doctor told me flax and seeds will lower my horribly high cholesterol and stave off the heart attacks that run in my family?  Well I found this awesome granola that has both of them in........GACK...THUD!"

Perhaps there are other products of yours I could try.  Do you have any honey whole wheat bread without honey or wheat?  Great!  Also, I'm trying to pull a fun trick on my niece with scurvy.  Do you have any orange juice that says vitamin C fortified but has no vitamin C in it?  Super!  What?  It doesn't even contain any orange juice?  Even better!

The most hilarious part, though, was that the disclaimer was obviously added later by a store employee because I went to another branch of that store today, saw the same product, and it did not have the handwritten disclaimer on it.

I bet a terribly ill person at the first store died because of that false advertising.

Brad here.

I'm pretty frickin' tired.  It feels like the right half of my face is melting off my head.

Those of you who know me well are probably thinking this is classic Brad. 

I know.  It's all a big joke, isn't it?  "Hey, I'm Brad.  I'm exhausted.  I didn't get any sleep.  I need to do laundry."

Whatever.

You try being me.  Just once. 

Try it.

See how you like operating a brain in sponge mode all day, soaking up caffeine and conversation for the sole purpose of converting it to hamster wheel musings at night when normal brains are shut off.

Don't expect me to be funny right now.